pensive tonight. i am reading a book called "Gilead," by Marilynne Robinson, and I suggest it for everybody. it is moving me to tears already, and i am only about 37 pages in. it is about families. i know that sounds really cheesy, but you know how you love your family? it reaches right to that sincere feeling and brings it out. im not sure where the story will go but it is beautiful.
it is making me think about my grandpa, who is 8...3? i think? he has just about every old person's disease in the world, couple of cancers, early alzheimer's, that kind of thing. it is one of those things where he has so many diseases they all got stuck in the door so none of htem have really knocked him out yet. except my mom tells me by email that he has started chemo for his cancers, which brought on an infection, and now they have stopped chemo for that. so now he has cancers and an infection. thanks, doctors. anyway, it makes me very sad because he is a wonderful old man, patient and sweet. he buys all those 'best of opera' and 'best of classical music' collections off the tv, and whenever i go visit him beautiful music is always playing. i sang for him once and he was in tears, and spent the next half an hour advising me to go professional.
anyway, it's just making me thinky. everybody dies but i hope it isn't painful. and im glad i have a belief that families can reunite after they die. ill be happy to hug him when he is a young man again.
also i've been thinking about envy (aka covetousness...sorry to go all christian here but it's an interesting topic!). there is a blog i visit that pains me to no end, tranquiliteaparty.blogspot.com. not because it is bad or offensive in any way, but because the things she makes are so beautiful! it makes me almost sick with jealousy because i am not in a position to make them too. maybe this thwarted passion means i should really put more effort into being a professional chef, i've never felt so sick about not doing something before.
but i digress. im trying to just appreciate what i have you know? the envy is this weird, strangly, awful feeling that doesn't seem to be at all productive, least of all in getting me to my goals of beautiful baking. and her blog is wonderful, and i love and admire how she seems to live. buddhists advise against desire in any form, ideally we could let go of all of that. but i dont buy it because painful desire and joyful passion are two sides of the same coin, and i dont want to give up the passionate part (im sure buddhists would be more than happy to surrender that as well). but how do you desire something, something you REALLY want, without burning yourself up? especially if you can't have it immediately, little miss spends-a-year-in-korea? dont get me wrong the food here is great, but i can't MAKE it. my fingers already miss bread dough. we have a microwave and a stovetop...rice krispy treats anyone?
anyway, i dont have any answers or nothing. i am just feeling pensive, and it is in a good way. but in case anyone is bored with this, here are some hilarious korean things i've taken the time to write down:
*several christian churches here advertise with a goofy looking cartoon jesus. he is very cute and inviting, but slightly unsettling for someone used to seeing him bleeding on a cross or gazing meaningfully from a painting. maybe it's a healthier approach? ill be posting a photo asap.
*my korean kids pronounce zookeeper "jewkeeper"
*yesterday we were writing paragraphs about favorite countries, and one kid said "i like korea because KIM CHI!" and all the other kids raised their hands and agreed kim chi was the number one reason to love korea. it's not that they dont like korea. they just love kim chi that much.
*asians are always asking me to guess their age, which i think it is safe to say is every westerner's nightmare. I DON'T KNOW!! well, not all of them but at least one has, and since i've only talked to a couple of people, at least 50% of asians have asked me to guess their age, sending me into a panic.
*apparently my name means something dirty in korean...i haven't figured out what yet, but every time i introduce myself the kids dissolve into giggles
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
Life full of experiences.
I am a baker. It sounds like you are also. Perhaps we need to expand our salad entrees.
oh man i'm always lookin for another good book to read. lemme know if i should ch-ch-checkit out from the library.
Also my gpa got infection from cancer treatment- nearly took him! GD doctors! ;-{
I love tranquiltea blog! I know what you mean about being envious of others lives. I get that way too. Lately, I've been really trying to work on being grateful for all the positive things in my life and happy for the people that have reached successful things in their life. Especially for ppl that have something that I want.
It helps you evaluate what it is you really wants.
Count all the things that you have that would make people envious.
I can think of 5 things right now that I'm envious of you!
oh jeez that book would make me cry too. i am so gay for my family.
gaaaaay
oh v i shouldn't be happy when people say they envy me but i am! :) thank you. and i envy you too! i can think of at least five things as well and im sure more if i tried.
Hello Anna. I found your blog when I googled Benjamin Academy. Anyways, your name in Korean phonetically means "to give birth" or "to have a baby". Hence, the giggles. ;)
Post a Comment